The great popsicle says
by Moondoggy
Summary: This is what you get when you combine my sense of humour with a whole lot of sugar and caffiene and a really boring science class. Includes depressed Harry, drunk Draco, cowprint boxers, insane lockhart and the astronomy tower window. Enjoy!


A/N I posted this before but I took it down

_A/NI posted this before but I took it down.It's one of the first things I wrote.Review and you get to see cute Harry Potter characters shirtless, flame and I'll set Norbert on you.Enjoy._

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It was Harry's fifth year at Hogwarts and Harry was depressed. Cho had killed herself because she missed Cedric. Harry still had feelings for her and he was now standing at the Astronomy tower window and, with a deep breath, he jumped. (I know this sounds a bit depressing, but it gets better, I hope.) When Ginny heard this, she too climbed the stairs to the Astronomy tower and jumped. Ron missed his sister and soon, he too had leapt out of the window. Hermione, who secretly loved Ron, followed him and jumped from the window. When Draco Malfoy heard this, he was very sad because he had secretly loved Hermione for years. He went to the Three Broomsticks and drowned his sorrows (in other words, he got completely pissed and had no clue what the hell he was doing.) He climbed up to the Astronomy tower and began running drunkenly around the room. He had his cow-print boxers on his head and he was singing 'I Will Survive' at the top of his voice. He could hardly see where he was going because he was completely stoned and he tripped and fell out the window singing, "I will surviiiiiiiiiiive!" *Splat* Crabbe and Goyle, who lived to obey Malfoy's commands, were completely lost without him to tell them what to do, so they jumped out the window too. All the Slytherins were very sad because they lost their precious Malfoy so they all jumped out the Astronomy tower window too. (This is a very funny image. All the little Slytherins lined up to jump out of a window. Next please. hehehe. I wonder who has to clean up? hehehe.)

Snape got very depressed and had no idea how to spend his free time without the Slytherins to help him annoy the Gryffindors. He just got so bored that he decided to jump out the window too. Professor Trelawny and Professor Mcgonagall both secretly loved Snape, (Eeeew, gross!) so they both jumped out the window. (I'm not very creative, so they're all jumping from the same window.)

Parvati and Lavender were sad because Trelawny had been their favourite teacher. And, you guessed it, jumped out the window. Dean Thomas and Seamus Finnigan jumped with them because they both loved Parvati and Lavender. Little Colin Creevey began to get very bored after this. All of Harry's friends were dead (Except for the twins, they just got expelled and started a joke shop. I don't want to kill them 'cuz they're cool. But, I killed Harry and he's cool, so…) and there was no one to annoy and take pictures of, so, out of boredom, he and Dennis jumped out the window too. Now that all the really important Gryffindor students were gone, the rest of them had no place in the story, so they all jumped out the window like the Slytherins did. With the Gryffindors gone, Ravenclaw house and Hufflepuff house fought for the title of best house at Hogwarts. In the fight, they ended up killing each other off, leaving Hogwarts without students. Without any students, the teachers felt that their lives were empty and meaningless so they all decided to jump out the window as well. (Except for Lupin. I don't wanna kill him off 'cuz he's cool and he is also a friend of Sirius' and I like Sirius 'cuz he's also cool. And Sirius is cute. heehee.) A week later, Voldemort came to Hogwarts to kill Harry, but he found out that Harry and all the other people were dead. Poor Voldie got sad and depressed because he had put so much time and energy into planning the attack on Hogwarts. In a futile attempt to cheer poor Voldie up, the Death Eaters tortured and killed Wormtail for him. It didn't work. ( But it made me feel better. hehehe, stupid f***ing ratbastard.) They started attacking and killing each other, trying to make Voldie feel better. Although it didn't make him happy, the Death Eaters were enjoying themselves, so they kept at it until only Lucius Malfoy was left. Voldie was still sad, so he used Avada Kedavra on Malfoy. (Yay.) This made him feel a bit better, but when he looked around and noticed that there was no one left to kill, poor little Voldie got depressed again. He went up to the Astronomy tower and jumped out of the window. Then Gilderoy Lockhart wandered into the Astronomy tower for some strange reason. His brain was still fried and he stood in front of the window and shouted, "I am the great Popsicle! All lesser Popsicles bow before me!" And with that, Gilderoy tripped on his robes and fell out the window, his final words echoing through the empty school. "Weeeeeeeeeee!"

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What d'ya think? Is it funny or just plain stupid and insane? Please write your opinion in that lovely little box down there. Don't blame me for this stupid little piece, blame the monkey in my brain. His name is Fred. J

Disclaimer: I own none of this… except the plot. I own the plot! Yay for me. Not that the plot's worth much, oh well. It's mine! All mine… J.K Rowling owns all Harry Potter stuff. I own none. If I owned Sirius I'd be the happiest girl in the world.


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